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NEWS: U. S. AND RUSSIA ANNOUNCE NEW JOINT CURRENCY



 
 
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  #1  
Old April 1st 17, 08:57 AM posted to rec.collecting.coins
Ken Barr
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 476
Default NEWS: U. S. AND RUSSIA ANNOUNCE NEW JOINT CURRENCY

WOW! Just found this announcement posted in the newsgroup
news.announce.government.trump ...



U. S. AND RUSSIA ANNOUNCE NEW JOINT CURRENCY

Washington DC and Moscow Russia, April 1, 2017 (API)

United States Treasury Secretary Stvn Mnchn and Russian Finance Minister
Igor Lyinhisazov jointly announced this morning a new currency to
replace the United States dollar and the Russian ruble in international
finance.

It will be named the "dolble" in the United States and the "rublar" in
Russia, and will, according to Mnchn and Lyinhisazov, combine all of the
positive features of each currency, and eliminate all the negative
features of each currency as well. It is intended to compete directly
with Far Eastern currencies such as the Chinese yuan, the Japanese yen,
the South Korean yin and the North Korean yang. "The dolble will be a
strong currency," proclaimed Mnchn, "backed by the full faith and credit
of the United States, as well as the full faith of Russia, or whatever
they are calling themselves this decade. Since Russia has no credit in
the international markets, it will be be backed by faith alone there."
"However," added Lyinhisazov, "the Russian people do produce a large
amount of vodka, polonium 'cocktails' and nuclear missiles, so we expect
our faith to be trusted. We reserve the right to turn any disbelieving
country into a glowing smoking crater uninhabitable for thousands of
years." The dolble/rublar is expected to be a stable currency, largely
unaffected by trade balances and inflation, due to the steadying
influences of the Federal Reserve System in the United States and the
Friends of Putin Society in Russia.

Mnchn announced plans to eliminate the lower denominations of the
dolble/rublar, namely the one, two, five and ten dolble/rublar notes.
"President Trump doesn't think anything worth less than twenty dolbles
is worth buying, so there is no need for these notes. As a concession
to public transit, he will allow a one dolble coin to be produced,
featuring vanquished opponent Hillary Clinton on the obverse and former
Russian Federation / USSR / CIS / whatevertheycalleditbackthen President
Boris Yeltsin on the reverse. It will inevitably be described as "as
worthless as Hillary" in the United States and "as useless as
Buymeadrink Yeltsin" in Russia. ", Mnchn predicted.

The designs of the new banknotes will also be changed dramatically. The
new twenty dolble/rublar note will feature dual portraits of George
Washington and Vladimir Lenin, the respective "fathers" of the United
States and Russia on the face, with a large "TWENTY / ENTY-TWAY" on the
back, along with a new crimson red color. These 'redbacks' are expected
to be quite popular compared to the old 'greenbacks' according to
Lyinhisazov. "After all," he added, "red is the color of the setting
sun, while green is the color of moldy cheese. Which would you rather
have in your pocket?" Mnchn quickly disputed Lyinhisazov's claims,
pointing out that red is also the color of blood, while green is the
color of lima beans, and if he was picking something to eat for dinner,
lima beans would easily win out over blood.

The fifty dolble/rublar denomination will be eliminated, while the new
hundred dolble/rublar note will feature dual portraits of, according to
Mnchn, "Donald Trump's beautiful, sexy, intelligent, sexy, talented,
sexy daughter Ivanka Trump and Vladimir Putin's daughter Yeoxerina
Putin." A new thousand dolble/rublar note will feature dual portraits
of, again according to Mnchn, "Donald Trump's handsome, sexy, talented,
sexy, genius, sexy son Donald Junior as well as Vladimir Putin's son
Garbajescow Putin." A new million dolble/rublar note will feature dual
portraits of, according to Mnchn, "Donald Trump's sexy, attractive,
sexy, beautiful, sexy, imported wife Melania, as well as Vladimir
Putin's ex-wife Lyudimungous Putin." A new billion dolble/rublar note
is also planned, featuring dual portraits of Berkshire Hathaway chairman
Warren Buffet and exiled Russian billionaire oil magnate Mikhail
Khodorkovsky, "in case Melania wants to buy a lamp or a new coat rack
for the White House.", Mnchn announced

But by far the most impactful item on the agenda is the issuance of a
trillion dolble/rublar note, featuring portraits of esteemed U. S.
President Ronald Reagan and esteemed Russian President Mikhail
Gorbachev. According to Mnchn, President Trump plans to print
twenty-five of these notes, then send his son-in-law Jared Kushner to
meet Chinese Premier Le Keqiang shortly thereafter. Kushner is to
present nineteen of these notes to the Premier and say "Here ya go,
pal, we're buying our country back" The remaining six notes will be
retained by Trump in the White House safe in case he wants to buy a
country like Sweden, or Finland, or some other cold place to exile his
ex-wives and political opponents. Alternatively, he may want to buy
someplace warm like Fiji or Kenya in order to have a place to send those
journalists who, according to Mnchn, "get too close to the truth, if you
know what I mean."

The stock and bond markets, being closed for the weekend, had no
reaction. It is expected that Proctor & Gamble (NYSE: PG), the
manufacturer of Pepto-Bismol, will have a tremendous gain on Monday.




NOTE: Past issues of my April 1 postings are available at:

http://www.kenbarr.com/aprilfools.html

--
Ken Barr Numismatics * * * *email:
P. O. Box 32541 * * * * * * website: *http://www.kenbarr.com
San Jose, CA *95152 * * Coins, currency, exonumia, souvenir cards, etc.
408-272-3247 * NEXT SHOW: Santa Clara August 26 -28
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  #2  
Old April 1st 17, 07:39 PM posted to rec.collecting.coins
oepepper[_2_]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 21
Default NEWS: U. S. AND RUSSIA ANNOUNCE NEW JOINT CURRENCY

On Saturday, April 1, 2017 at 12:57:55 AM UTC-7, Ken Barr wrote:
WOW! Just found this announcement posted in the newsgroup
news.announce.government.trump ...



U. S. AND RUSSIA ANNOUNCE NEW JOINT CURRENCY

Washington DC and Moscow Russia, April 1, 2017 (API)

United States Treasury Secretary Stvn Mnchn and Russian Finance Minister
Igor Lyinhisazov jointly announced this morning a new currency to
replace the United States dollar and the Russian ruble in international
finance.

It will be named the "dolble" in the United States and the "rublar" in
Russia, and will, according to Mnchn and Lyinhisazov, combine all of the
positive features of each currency, and eliminate all the negative
features of each currency as well. It is intended to compete directly
with Far Eastern currencies such as the Chinese yuan, the Japanese yen,
the South Korean yin and the North Korean yang. "The dolble will be a
strong currency," proclaimed Mnchn, "backed by the full faith and credit
of the United States, as well as the full faith of Russia, or whatever
they are calling themselves this decade. Since Russia has no credit in
the international markets, it will be be backed by faith alone there."
"However," added Lyinhisazov, "the Russian people do produce a large
amount of vodka, polonium 'cocktails' and nuclear missiles, so we expect
our faith to be trusted. We reserve the right to turn any disbelieving
country into a glowing smoking crater uninhabitable for thousands of
years." The dolble/rublar is expected to be a stable currency, largely
unaffected by trade balances and inflation, due to the steadying
influences of the Federal Reserve System in the United States and the
Friends of Putin Society in Russia.

Mnchn announced plans to eliminate the lower denominations of the
dolble/rublar, namely the one, two, five and ten dolble/rublar notes.
"President Trump doesn't think anything worth less than twenty dolbles
is worth buying, so there is no need for these notes. As a concession
to public transit, he will allow a one dolble coin to be produced,
featuring vanquished opponent Hillary Clinton on the obverse and former
Russian Federation / USSR / CIS / whatevertheycalleditbackthen President
Boris Yeltsin on the reverse. It will inevitably be described as "as
worthless as Hillary" in the United States and "as useless as
Buymeadrink Yeltsin" in Russia. ", Mnchn predicted.

The designs of the new banknotes will also be changed dramatically. The
new twenty dolble/rublar note will feature dual portraits of George
Washington and Vladimir Lenin, the respective "fathers" of the United
States and Russia on the face, with a large "TWENTY / ENTY-TWAY" on the
back, along with a new crimson red color. These 'redbacks' are expected
to be quite popular compared to the old 'greenbacks' according to
Lyinhisazov. "After all," he added, "red is the color of the setting
sun, while green is the color of moldy cheese. Which would you rather
have in your pocket?" Mnchn quickly disputed Lyinhisazov's claims,
pointing out that red is also the color of blood, while green is the
color of lima beans, and if he was picking something to eat for dinner,
lima beans would easily win out over blood.

The fifty dolble/rublar denomination will be eliminated, while the new
hundred dolble/rublar note will feature dual portraits of, according to
Mnchn, "Donald Trump's beautiful, sexy, intelligent, sexy, talented,
sexy daughter Ivanka Trump and Vladimir Putin's daughter Yeoxerina
Putin." A new thousand dolble/rublar note will feature dual portraits
of, again according to Mnchn, "Donald Trump's handsome, sexy, talented,
sexy, genius, sexy son Donald Junior as well as Vladimir Putin's son
Garbajescow Putin." A new million dolble/rublar note will feature dual
portraits of, according to Mnchn, "Donald Trump's sexy, attractive,
sexy, beautiful, sexy, imported wife Melania, as well as Vladimir
Putin's ex-wife Lyudimungous Putin." A new billion dolble/rublar note
is also planned, featuring dual portraits of Berkshire Hathaway chairman
Warren Buffet and exiled Russian billionaire oil magnate Mikhail
Khodorkovsky, "in case Melania wants to buy a lamp or a new coat rack
for the White House.", Mnchn announced

But by far the most impactful item on the agenda is the issuance of a
trillion dolble/rublar note, featuring portraits of esteemed U. S.
President Ronald Reagan and esteemed Russian President Mikhail
Gorbachev. According to Mnchn, President Trump plans to print
twenty-five of these notes, then send his son-in-law Jared Kushner to
meet Chinese Premier Le Keqiang shortly thereafter. Kushner is to
present nineteen of these notes to the Premier and say "Here ya go,
pal, we're buying our country back" The remaining six notes will be
retained by Trump in the White House safe in case he wants to buy a
country like Sweden, or Finland, or some other cold place to exile his
ex-wives and political opponents. Alternatively, he may want to buy
someplace warm like Fiji or Kenya in order to have a place to send those
journalists who, according to Mnchn, "get too close to the truth, if you
know what I mean."

The stock and bond markets, being closed for the weekend, had no
reaction. It is expected that Proctor & Gamble (NYSE: PG), the
manufacturer of Pepto-Bismol, will have a tremendous gain on Monday.




NOTE: Past issues of my April 1 postings are available at:

http://www.kenbarr.com/aprilfools.html

--
Ken Barr Numismatics * * * *email:
P. O. Box 32541 * * * * * * website: *http://www.kenbarr.com
San Jose, CA *95152 * * Coins, currency, exonumia, souvenir cards, etc.
408-272-3247 * NEXT SHOW: Santa Clara August 26 -28


This would be pretty funny if I wasn't so afraid it might really happen. I better brush up on my Russian, may need it in the "re-education" camps!
 




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