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Fake $2.00 bill - funny
Subject: The $2 bill On my way home from the second job I've taken for the extra holiday cash I need, I stop at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold are a $50 bill and a $2 bill. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about people getting angry with me for trying to break a large bill. Me: "Hi, I'd like one seven layer burrito please, to go." Guy: "That'll be $1.04, eat here?" Me: "No, it's to go." At this point I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny and... Guy: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back." He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them: Guy: "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?" Manager: "No. A what?" Guy: "A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me." Manager: "Ask for something else, there's no such thing as a $2 bill." Guy: "Yeah, thought so." He comes back to me and: Guy: "We don't take these. Do you have anything else?" Me: "Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?" Guy: "I don't know." Me: "See here where it says legal tender?" Guy: "Yeah." Me: "So, shouldn't you take it?" Guy: "Well, hang on a sec." He goes back to his manager who is watching me like I'm going to shoplift, and: Guy: "He says I have to take it." Manager: "Doesn't he have anything else?" Guy: "Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change." Manager: "I'm not opening the safe with him in here." Guy: "What should I do?" Manager: "Tell him to come back later when he has real money." Guy: "I can't tell him that, you tell him." Manager: "Just tell him." Guy: "No way, this is weird, I'm going in back." The manager approaches me and: Manager: "Sorry, we don't take big bills this time of night." [It was 8 PM and this particular Taco Bell is in a well-lighted indoor mall with 100 other stores.] Me: "Well, here's a two." Manager: "We don't take those either." Me: "Why not?" Manager: "I think you know why." Me: "No really, tell me, why?" Manager: "Please leave before I call mall security." Me: "Excuse me?" Manager: "Please leave before I call mall security." Me: "What on earth for?" Manager: "Please, sir." Me: "Uh, go ahead, call them." Manager: "Would you please just leave?" Me: "No." Manager: "Fine, have it your way then." Me: "No, that's Burger King, isn't it?" At this point he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people staring at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy comes in and: Guard: "Yeah, Mike, what's up?" [at the other end of counter, in a whisper] Manager: "This guy is trying to give me some ... [pause] funny money." Guard: "Really? What?" Manager: "Get this, a two dollar bill." Guard: "Why would a guy fake a $2 bill?" [incredulous] Manager: "I don't know? He's kinda weird. Says the only other thing he has is a fifty." Guard: "So, the fifty's fake?" Manager: "No, the $2 is." Guard: "Why would he fake a $2 bill?" Manager: "I don't know. Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?" Guard: "Yeah..." Security Guard walks over to me and: Guard: "Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use." Me: "Uh, no." Guard: "Lemme see 'em." Me: "Why?" Guard: "Do you want me to get the cops in here?" At this point I am ready to say, "Sure, Please!" but I want to eat, so I say: Me: "I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this $2 bill." I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I'm taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and says Guard: "Mike, what's wrong with this bill?" Manager: "It's fake." Guard: "It doesn't look fake to me." Manager: "But it's a $2 bill." Guard: "Yeah?" Manager: "Well, there's no such thing, is there?" The security guard and I both look at him like he's an idiot, and it dawns on the guy that he has no clue. My burrito was free and he threw in a small drink and those cinnamon things, too. Makes me want to get a whole stack of $2 bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of people, I could probably end up in jail. At least you get free food there. |
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