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Old December 25th 07, 02:26 PM posted to rec.collecting.paper-money
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Default Fake $2.00 bill - funny

Subject: The $2 bill

On my way home from the second job I've taken
for the extra holiday cash I need, I stop at
Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my
billfold are a $50 bill and a $2 bill. I
figure that with a $2 bill, I can get
something to eat and not have to worry about
people getting angry with me for trying to
break a large bill.

Me: "Hi, I'd like one seven layer burrito
please, to go."
Guy: "That'll be $1.04, eat here?"
Me: "No, it's to go."

At this point I open my billfold and hand him
the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny and...

Guy: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back."

He goes to talk to his manager, who is still
within earshot. The following conversation
occurs between the two of them:

Guy: "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?"
Manager: "No. A what?"
Guy: "A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me."
Manager: "Ask for something else, there's no
such thing as a $2 bill."
Guy: "Yeah, thought so."

He comes back to me and:

Guy: "We don't take these. Do you have anything
Me: "Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills?
Guy: "I don't know."
Me: "See here where it says legal tender?"
Guy: "Yeah."
Me: "So, shouldn't you take it?"
Guy: "Well, hang on a sec."

He goes back to his manager who is watching me
like I'm going to shoplift, and:

Guy: "He says I have to take it."
Manager: "Doesn't he have anything else?"
Guy: "Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can
open the safe and get change."
Manager: "I'm not opening the safe with him in
Guy: "What should I do?"
Manager: "Tell him to come back later when he
has real money."
Guy: "I can't tell him that, you tell him."
Manager: "Just tell him."
Guy: "No way, this is weird, I'm going in back."

The manager approaches me and:

Manager: "Sorry, we don't take big bills this
time of night." [It was 8 PM and this
particular Taco Bell is in a well-lighted indoor
mall with 100 other stores.]
Me: "Well, here's a two."
Manager: "We don't take those either."
Me: "Why not?"
Manager: "I think you know why."
Me: "No really, tell me, why?"
Manager: "Please leave before I call mall
Me: "Excuse me?"
Manager: "Please leave before I call mall
Me: "What on earth for?"
Manager: "Please, sir."
Me: "Uh, go ahead, call them."
Manager: "Would you please just leave?"
Me: "No."
Manager: "Fine, have it your way then."
Me: "No, that's Burger King, isn't it?"

At this point he backs away from me and
calls mall security on the phone around
the corner. I have two people staring at
me from the dining area, and I begin laughing
out loud, just for effect. A few minutes
later this 45-year-oldish guy comes in and:

Guard: "Yeah, Mike, what's up?" [at the other
end of counter, in a whisper]
Manager: "This guy is trying to give me some
... [pause] funny money."
Guard: "Really? What?"
Manager: "Get this, a two dollar bill."
Guard: "Why would a guy fake a $2 bill?"
[incredulous] Manager: "I don't know? He's kinda
weird. Says the only other thing he has is a fifty."
Guard: "So, the fifty's fake?"
Manager: "No, the $2 is."
Guard: "Why would he fake a $2 bill?"
Manager: "I don't know. Can you talk to him, and
get him out of here?" Guard: "Yeah..."

Security Guard walks over to me and:

Guard: "Mike here tells me you have some fake bills
you're trying to use."
Me: "Uh, no."
Guard: "Lemme see 'em."
Me: "Why?"
Guard: "Do you want me to get the cops in here?"

At this point I am ready to say, "Sure, Please!"
but I want to eat, so I say:

Me: "I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for
it with this $2 bill."

I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches
like I'm taking a swing at him. He takes the bill,
turns it over a few times in his hands, and says
Guard: "Mike, what's wrong with this bill?"
Manager: "It's fake."
Guard: "It doesn't look fake to me."
Manager: "But it's a $2 bill."
Guard: "Yeah?"
Manager: "Well, there's no such thing, is there?"

The security guard and I both look at him like
he's an idiot, and it dawns on the guy that he
has no clue.

My burrito was free and he threw in a small drink
and those cinnamon things, too. Makes me want to
get a whole stack of $2 bills just to see what
happens when I try to buy stuff.
If I got the right group of people, I could
probably end up in jail.

At least you get free food there.